A Little Humility, Please

by Rick Brown

Jeopardy: Exposure to imminence of loss or injury

It happened last night, again.

I was the third contestant on Jeopardy.  There I stood frozen with a mixture of incomprehension and horror.  To my left were two smarty pants – one the current campion, the other a data analyst from Colorado.

As soon as Ken Jennings responded to one of their correct responses, my competitors pressed their clickers with maniacal speed.  On my podium large red numbers testify to my ignorance, my stupidity, my humiliation. 

During breaks an eager intern encourages me with platitudes and a bottle of water.  Right before “Final Jeopardy” Jennings directs me to a corner off stage – more humiliation.  With my poor score I cannot participate in Final Jeopardy.

Fortunately, the nightmare ends.  I stir and greet the day on my terms.  This nocturnal torment rests smugly among other distressing dreams.  There is the one we have all had – naked in school and no one seems to notice.  And there is the shear cliff over the endless ravine.  I cling to a ridiculously narrow outcropping, frozen with terror.

It is the Jeopardy dream that lingers.  Perhaps it is because the 7:00 show is a regular part of our routine.  I am safely sit in my comfortable chair fully aware of my intellectual limitations, my lack of cultural nuance, and most importantly my inability to recall facts quickly. Yet, the show provides great entertainment.  Jackie and I appreciate the varied backgrounds of the contestants – lawyers, retail clerks, homemakers, PHD candidates, IT specialists you name it.  It is refreshing to watch a show that spotlights quick thinking and voluminous knowledge. 

The three contestants stand expectedly while Johnny Gilbert announces their occupations and hometowns.  Not one to waste time, Host Ken Jennings invites the current champion to take the first clue in the Jeopardy round.  That is when the first stages of my humiliation begin.  As I ponder the clue, Mr. or Ms. Smart Aleck jumps in giving an arcane answer to the longest river in Estonia (the Narva).  But like a slot machine addict, I am motivated to keep playing by coming up with an occasional correct answer.

If it is a particularly good night, I might ask, “Hey, what if…”  The act of hubris ultimately leads to the familiar nightmare.

We can trace the origin story of Jeopardy to 1964 and Merv Griffin.  In the beginning the show was called “What’s the Question?” due to its format.  Not a particularly catchy title, but Merv’s wife came to the rescue with the new name – Jeopardy.  An American institution was established.  Art Fleming hosted the show, on and off until 1979.  Alex Trebek was the longest termed host with 37 years.  Former game champion Ken Jennings became the permanent host in 2023. 

Jeopardy Host Ken Jennings

The format consists of three rounds: the Jeopardy round, Double Jeopardy and Final Jeopardy.  Contestants must respond to each clue in the form of a question. (I know of no rationale for this quirky requirement.)  To spice things up the game masters hide a “Daily Double” clue.  The lucky players can wager any or all of their current winnings before responding.  Wrong answers can be devastating because the wager amount is deducted from contestant’s previous score.  It can also lead to a come from behind moment if the answer is right.  In Final Jeopardy the players are told of a general topic; then they decide how much to wager before knowing the clue.   Lots of fun, lots of strategy and lots of tension.

Topics include history, science, math, geography, language, popular culture, literature, sports, film and TV etc.  Both the Jeopardy Round and Double Jeopardy have 30 clues.  The easiest clues have the lowest value; the most valuable questions usually are mind stretching.  For example, Clue: “He succeeded James Madison.” Answer: “Who was Quincy Adams?”  And you thought you were so clever.

Even though the show airs five days a week, they are taped over two days. The staff consists of writers and researchers.  These monkish folks spend countless hours coming up with clues then try them out on the head writer, Billy Wisse.  The answers are checked and double checked for accuracy.  Each season the writers participate in 230 games and 14,030 clues. 

Factoids: Contestants must provide their own transportation and lodging to be on the show.  They must also bring three separate wardrobes just in case they win some rounds.   The producers want the show to look like a daily event even though the games are crammed together on two days of taping.

Back to humiliation.  For some strange reason I decided to take the contestant qualifying test on-line.  I started with a warm-up quiz consisting of 30 clues with a 15 second time limit.  I got 13 correct. Not too bad   I also noticed I had a few brain freezes.  For the life of me I could not recall the word “xenophobia” when it came to fear of foreigners.  And, I am ashamed to report that the name “Taylor Swift” stayed hidden in the back reaches of the aged brain as the clock ticked.

Encouraged by the pretest I decided to register as a Jeopardy contestant applicant.  The first step involved taking a 50-question test, each response limited to 15 seconds.  I have no idea how I scored, but I am sure the results are disastrous.  The webpage kindly thanked me for participating and assured me that a “Jeopardy! Contestant team” will review my answers, then contact me if I passed the test.  I am not holding my breath. 

Hence the recurring nightmare.

To redress the humiliation, I have decided to devise my own Jeopardy.  It will be called Senior Jeopardy.  Contestants will have a full minute to respond to clues after clicking their buzzers.  Perhaps the studio will be housed in a Del Webb community.  And there will be lots of bathroom breaks.  I think it would be quite popular in senior housing communities, maybe even memory care units. 

All popular culture questions would be chronologically limited to between 1964 to 1978.  One category might be female folk singers who now are in their 70’s and 80’s.  Another might be the San Francisc

o Giants – the Golden Era.  Then there would be the geography of Northern California and finally, Midwest casseroles and Jello delights.

Then, and only then might the nocturnal torments cease.